Firstly, thanks to the Wongs, inc. for having a fab party. I was sleepy but now I can't sleep. Go figure. Any how, what sparked my interest was how odd it felt to be surrounded by high schoolers. As I was putting on my clothes, I knew you guys wouldn't care but then I thought, what if her sister's friends think I'm fobby? How completely ridiculous and sad, to think that I for a moment considered their opinion of me. Isn't it crazy what can somehow kind of get to us after all this time? Here we are four years later, wiser or whatever you want to call it, but in the midst of teenage blood we/I somehow felt unsure. It must be hormones I'm convinced they must be airborne. But in any case, I'm not sure about others because I'm terrible with keeping in touch, but 18-21 (years of age) helped me *finally* not feel like an ass in everything I wore/did. I can't help but HATE the idea of all t hat work being threatened, I mean we spend this time living away only ( for some) to return to the same situation we left! How to keep from regressing, from letting old issues come up? UGH Sorry for a lame ass- xanga esque inaugural post!
4 comments:
prema?? this is you, right? i've wondered that too. sometimes i think that certain weaknesses might be lifelong. just look at our parents.. but i'm certain that over the years, the thorns lose their sharpness, i mean if we want them to. maybe it's all a matter of degrees, as we gain more control over ourselves and let certain parts die, lest the whole of us should die because of them. things come back and over and over for me too but i think i have a better grip over them than i had a few years/months ago. but while there is much to be proud of, there is also much to be improved on, always.. because, sad and depressing to admit, perfect is impossible and "good enough" is practically asking to back slide.
i've felt hope tho in thinking that the triumph and beauty of the story lies in the humbling struggle against our "demons," and also in these moments of simultaneous joy and sadness, as we look behind us and in front. and one day, we will be able to see our "demons" with true eyes, without fear of reattachment, for the ugliness that they are, and suddenly notice ourselves for the wonderful creatures we have almost unaware become!
I'm glad you had a good time at the party!
I know what you mean about regressing...I feel like I have already started to regress. It's okay, we can be high schoolers at heart together! But seriously, maybe we're just going through this process again because we're starting a new part of our life that is as unfamiliar as starting high school and we just feel insecure about ourselves, as silly as it is. And I agree with the last paragraph of Jen's comment...it's all about the journey and looking back on it. (Could my comment be any more filled with cliches?)
you're not lame - i have nothing profound to add other than what's been said and oh yeah love you girls <3
wow, i feel like jen would be a perfect speech writer for the graduation head of the class person. i forgot what they're called. -.- lol. yey for jen!
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