Do you think marriage can work between atheists and theists? What about between democrats and republicans? I guess individuals can make it work, but what about for their families?
thoughts please
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5 years ago
4 comments:
My belief is twofold on this.
I believe that with any amount of work, you can overcome the differences within a couple and make a marriage work.
on the flip side...
Marriage these days are hard enough - why add another point of contention?
But ideally, I believe if you love someone enough you will work hard enough to overcome the differences ... but then the question becomes: Will you fall in love with someone who's values are so polar from yours?
long comment cause my experiment is teeeddiiouusss.
it's been done. james carville (advisor to bill during his campaign and big liberal pundit) is married to mary matalin (advisor to dick cheney). but politics might be slightly different from religion in that political views can be a purely intellectual pursuit if you set aside some of the big social issues.
religion is a monster though. social values are pretty much intrinsic to the whole belief system, and if you're going to raise kids, there's really no way around it.
i'm pretty tempted to say no, but I honestly wouldnt mind if my kids were raised christian. or any religion for that matter. i think i prefer it that way, if anything but to understand the different views in the world. this isn't even a matter of compromise, it's more a logical decision. most religious values are pretty compatible with values i'd like my kids to have. not killing people, dont bone other chicks while u'r married, respect your neighbors as yourself, etc. it's a great starting point for kids' upbringing. i would think that most atheists would share this thought. now would i throw a hissy if little chris came to me one day and said he didn't want to go to church anymore? probably not, but i would require a justification more than, 'i wanna sleep in on sundays.'
i guess like everything else it just depends. it would depend on the degree of theism/atheism, how openminded the individuals are, and all that crap. i know i wouldn't be able to take a religious zealot seriously, so as xiao points out, i probably wouldnt go through the trouble. i am very curious as to what some of our friends have to say about this. HINThintHINT.
families aren't actually that big of a concern in my opinion. i think you can get away with a lot in this age--we all probably know of couples whose parents weren't thrilled with their unions.
I think exceptions exist and as c and x mention, "it's been done before."
But, admittedly, I am a pessimist in this regard. Being someone who definitely dated opposites in politics, religion, etc. I used to believe that it's possible for love to overcome all. I can't say that I necessarily feel that way anymore. Especially as we age, I think what it boils down to is common values. I know that's vague, but I think it really depends on what being Christian vs. Jewish vs. Hindu or Republican vs. Democrat vs. Independent really means. You need the same values for a successful, happier (and easier, though never truly easy) marriage. Your sense of right and wrong, your idea of how you want to raise your children (or if you even want kids) and a big one here: your management of finances all play a huge factor.
As for families and their approval playing in, I think it depends on how close one is to said family. It places strain on relationships unless you have nothing to do with your family and causes at the very least some unpleasant feelings. People get away with a lot, sure, but it depends on how much you or your family will tolerate. If your parents will cut you off or if they're just good at threatening :P
We're constantly growing and changing--married or not. That's why I think it's important to marry someone whose core values are a match to your own. I think I really realized how much this matters in working with patient families, especially when seeing parents with kids with cerebral palsy or congenital diseases. We can't predict what life will bring or the changes we'll experience, but I think when partners are more well "matched" there is a higher chance for a successful marriage.
I'm by no means an expert, but those are just my two cents :)
I'm just going to be short and sweet on this: I think it just depends on how open-minded and understanding both the individuals (and their families) are of each other and their beliefs/views. However, I do think it's a lot easier to work through those differences in views if they are not on the extreme sides of things. Maybe I'm just being lazy, or maybe I'm just being an optimist in my response, but there you go.
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